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We have an '05 Sienna.  Towing cap. 3500 lbs.  We want to tow a 2742 lb Trailmanor (dry weight) with a 351 tongue weight.  That leaves a mere 407 cargo weight.

Is this doable?  Are you suppose to max out on the towing cap. or is there an 80% rule? If we get a weight distribution hitch does that add even more weight?

We just want to go camping without tearing up our new van.

Help!!!!!  

I would not want to be towing that size of trailer with anything less than a 2500HD.  Included in your gross towing weight is fuel, luggage and passanger weight.  It is not only the weight but the size and mass of the trailer.  Here is a guide from GMC for their pick ups:

1500 - Folding Camper Trailer, Snowmobile  / Jet-ski Trailers up to 2,000 lbs
2500 - Single axil trailers up to 18 feet, Open utility Trailers & small speed boats 2,100 to 3,500 lbs  
2500HD - Dual/single axil trailers, Large boats & enclosed Utility trailers 3,501 to 5,000 lbs
3500 - Tow-horse, travel & fith-wheel recreational trailers 5,001 to 10,000 lbs
Dually - Large horse/travel/fith-wheel recreational & commercial trailers 10.001 lbs & up